my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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