Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
