you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize