..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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