Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
