I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
