we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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