love makes seman taste better
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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