I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
