guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think my moral compass just broke
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
