Moan for me like Helen Keller
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
