If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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