And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
