She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
