if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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