So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
