i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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