u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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