Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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