I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
