Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
