I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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