thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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