I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
