Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
