I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
