Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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