It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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