the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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