I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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