You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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