when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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