i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
