I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i have two assholes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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