Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
