i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
