It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
