piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
