he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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