Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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