If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
