hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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