I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
