just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
jump out the window naked night went bad
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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