votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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