OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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