Don't you send me to vm
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
