This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
