I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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