I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
