watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
