New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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