All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it hurts more in the daytime
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
