I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
