I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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