listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
