We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
