I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
