I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
