its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
