I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i need some magic done to my vagina
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
