First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize