dude i'm inner monologue high
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
