When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
