I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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